What did we do last night that was yellow?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
