Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
