it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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