Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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