yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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