It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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