you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
