Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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