I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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