this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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