you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
