I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
