she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
