Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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