i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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