Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
