He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So apparently I’m into choking now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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