I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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