there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When did angry sex become our thing?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
