Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
