All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
