she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
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which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
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