I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
