i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
