Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
