Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
