if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
