i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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