my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
