and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
