Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
