can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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