i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
