Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
