Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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