My room smells like vodka and shame
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
