I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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