You really coming over, don't trick.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
