i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
