Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
