no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The adults are the big ones right?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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