can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
