sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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