Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
