I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
