im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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