Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize