He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
