I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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