K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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