i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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