nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
