And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
