weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
