Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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