She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
