She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
