Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
