I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
