my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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