just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
