So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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