C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think my mom watched the whole time
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
